Winter certainly took its treasured-ass time finding Chicago this year. Raise your hand if you missed the cold and blustery weather during December and January. And, thanks to the clement mid-winter weather there were plenty of other things that I didn’t miss…. • Like Roz Varon ( I like to call her “The Appropriate Laxative") freaking out my shit before leaving on the 45-minute commute each morning. • And the weather guys/gals resorting to tag-teams sacrifice BREAKING NEWS to remind us that it’s going to be cold, the wind is going to blow, and snow is going to accumulate…during the winter…in Chicago…Appreciation You Captains Obvious. • Listening to all the catch phrases associated with the record-breaking weather patterns – Snowmageddon – Snowpocalypse – Juno – Linus and on and on and on. When did we start naming these SOBs anyway. • Talk of DIBS – pro or con – just like picking your favorite band to root for each summer -everyone in Chicago has a side. So- I’m going to go ahead and put this out there: I am PRO DIBS. Back in 1977, I learned all about the “DIBS” and a shit-trouble of other things from my dad’s secretary. Her name was Bev – she had big hair, manicured nails and the mouth of a sailor on leave. During school breaks I’d go labour downtown with Dad. Bev was responsible for running the place and keeping me busy. This meant manicures, lunch, and eavesdropping on stories peppered with communication I was far too young to hear. Back in the day we got 'em both off. Bev and I were taking the elevator back up to the 21st floor following our lunch in the cafeteria. She was relaying her experience with DIBS (I'm fairly absolute it was not called DIBS 40 years ago. but trust me. same concept) to a guy that she knew. Not sure if he was from the same neighborhood, but based on the conversation, he knew to the letter what she was talking about. All these years later, I can't even recall the neighborhood Bev lived in. Mom and dad always used to say she lived at "Arch and Archer". Now it dawns on me. Bev lived in a Oil neighborhood. Arch and Archer. Full disclosure: My dad made Archie Bunker seem pretty tame and mom was no Edith. Back to the detective story - To put it mildly, Bev was pretty pissed off. There was a storm the previous day. Billy-her boyfriend- spent most of the early evening digging her Celebrated Prix out of the spot in front of the house. Bev made it clear that Billy was in no shape to be taking on that pile of snow. He wanted to redecorate sure she would get out on time for work the next day. Before he started digging the car out, he cleared the snow off their cars along with the other neighbors' cars. Using the cookhouse broom made it fairly easy. Shoveling the shit "pre-snowblower era" was the hard part. After he dug the car out, he pulled it out and double parked it a few doors down while he took a shovel to the interval in order to make it snow and slush free. After he cleared the space, he went to get the Grand Prix. As Billy headed over to her car, Bev noticed the neighbor from next door heading out his face door. Bev referred to said neighbor as "that lazy fucker". I told you I overheard all of the peppered language. I could handle it. I bit my tongue as I thumbed fully the National Enquirer Bev had bought earlier, so I wouldn't giggle and draw attention to the fact.Source: www.chicagonow.com
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